Mama’s Adviceto Suze Orman

Very, very early this morning I opened the front door and there was Suze Orman with her personal secretary.  She asked me if she could ask Mama for advice on an upcoming program.  I invited them into the living room where Mama was sitting reading Der Tog (The Day).

Ms. Orman: Mrs. Kutner, I am a renowned, internationally acclaimed financial advisor in the television media.  My next program will be on instituting budgetary constraints in transportation.  However, I have no personal acquaintance with dire times such as occurred during the Great Depression.  Would you kindly tell me how your family coped with the problem of transportation?

Fishl:  Mama, Suze wants to know how people can save money in getting around.

Mama:  Oy, Fishele, you are so smart—you I understand.  Ask them if they would like a glass of tea and some honey cake.

Ms.  Orman:  Actually we are on a tight schedule and need to get back shortly for our television broadcast on PBS.  Mrs.  Kutner, thank you, but we are on a tight schedule.

Mama:  Hokay, first, each family should not have more than one car.  People should walk more.  It will save money and it is good for their heart.  If they belong to a gym, they should quit it and save money.  If they walk more, they will get the exercise.  They don’t need to lift weights—they should carry their body around.  If they go shopping, they can carry the packages home.

Ms. Orman:  You have a poignant point.  Our policy in going green is to conserve fuel, and by reducing the carbon emission from automobile exhaust we would not only save money but would improve the air quality.  I shall mention this the next time I speak with Al Gore.

Mama:  Now people give their grandchildren a car in high school as soon as they get a driver’s license.  That’s why the teenagers are so fat.  They should walk to school and carry their books.  Remember to tell them to wear galoshes in the winter when there is snow on the ground or rubbers when it is raining.  They shouldn’t get their shoes wet and get a cold.

Ms. Orman:  You are absolutely correct and very wise.  Imagine—not only could American families save money but they would aid the environment and help solve the ever-increasing problem of child obesity.

Mama:  We should carpool and make hitchhiking safe.  Why should you drive around alone when it would not cost you any extra money to pick somebody up on your way somewhere? You might make a new friend, and at least you would do a mitsve (good deed).

Ms. Orman:  Mrs. Kutner, it is not practical and that would be very dangerous.  We have sexual predators and also everyone knows that we need to lock the cars when not attended and not leave the keys in the car.

Mama: Times are different today—not like the old days.  Maybe President Obama will tell all the people that we have to help each other and the government in Washington doesn’t have enough money to help everyone.

Ms. Orman:  Is there any other bit of advice you can give me to process for addition to the next program so that my audience can save money in the area of transportation.

Mama:  Motorcycles aren’t safe except for policemen who know how to ride them safely.  People ought to ride bicycles and they should have more bicycle lanes so you don’t have to ride on the sidewalk.  Kids can use scooters that are safer than skateboards.  I was almost knocked over by a big boy on a skateboard.

Ms. Orman:  Mr. Fishl, I see that it is getting late and we have to get back to the studio.  Mrs. Kutner, you have had a great deal of experience in being thrifty and I am very appreciative of your willingness to share this information.  I would like to pay you for your services.

Mama:  Fishele, tell the nice lady that I don’t want the money, but to put it instead in Israel Bonds.  That way she will get good interest, the money will be safe and it will help Israel.

This was an interesting experience and perhaps Ms. Orman may visit again when Fishl is in one of his twilight zones.

If you are a relative of Ms. Orman or know someone who is, perhaps you can pass the word along.  So until then, take Suze and Mama’s advice and act as if we are in a depression.  Remember to save, save, save.