Table of Contents

Preface i
Introduction iii
“Go Ask G-d” 1
“Stick out Your Tongue” 2
Mama Had Many Men 3
Pleas to Der Eybishter 4
Linoleum Shelf of Oils 5
Buttons Should Know Their Place 6
Garlic in The Garden of Eden 8
“Don’t Throw It Away!” 10
A Bone of Contention 12
“Zorg Nisht” 14
“In Case G-d Missed Something” 15
Signals from G-d 17
Twin Boys 18
No Time to Chew 19
Secret Kites 20
Papa’s Toilet Paper 21
Etl Betl – Cat’s Cradle 23
Insurance Policy 24
Mama Gets Teary-Eyed 26
The Food (Fat) Pyramid 27
When Her Boys Got a Cold 30
Five-Hundred Rummy 33
A Yiddishe Rabbit & Turtle 35
Ver Iz Jerome? 37
Twelve-Hundred Mason Jars 39
Wrists As Thick As My Fist 40
Purina Feed Bag Aprons 41
The Knipl 42
A Contraption Replaces Mama 43
Paul, the Polish Guy 45
Recycling Yiddish News 46
A Peasant Woman 48
Mama Never Served “Ized” Milk 49
Sharpening Knives 51
Roomers & Boarders 52
Mama’s Tshok 54
Katie’s Spot Behind the Stove 55
Picking Bugs off the Plants 57
Cross-Examination 59
Roses, Noses & Toes(es) 61
“Four of a Kind” 63
I Remember Mama Saying 64
Getting Rid of Khometz 67
Mama’s Soup & Stuffed Helzl 69
Makh Zikh Nisht Visndik 71
Mama’s Knife 72
The Farmhouse, Circa 1842 74
Mama’s First Luxury 76
Bilik Vi Borsht 78
Two Clotheslines 79
When the Chickens Got Sick 81
Folg Mikh a Gang 83
How Mama Came to Run the Farm 85
“A Nice Jewish Girl” 87
Slabs of French Toast 89
A Shep Hangs in the Feed-Room 92
Mama’s Three Authorities 94
Kitchen Wood 96
Hrabina of Hunterdon 99
My Jewels are in My Children’s Eyes 101
Litvak v. Galitsiyaner 103
A Plausible Excuse 105
Mish-Mash 107
Rules of Engagement 109
Mama Spoke with Mrs. Keller 111
“Do You Want Me to Drown Them?” 114
After the Flood 116
Yiddishe “Whistler’s Mother” 118
I Had Three Mamas 119
Mama, I Get Embarrassed 120
Mama Never 121
Mama Wanted a Daughter 123
On a Scale from “A” to “F” 124
No Wiggle Room 125
Advice to Papa & Her Boys 126
Mama’s Word Game 128
Only a Faint Glimmer 130
Shtrof Nisht Mayn Kinder 132
Mama Went to Church—Once 133
The Hole Between the Shoes 134
Mama’s Advice to Suze Orman 136
Di Mame Fregt (Mama Asks) 139
Greatest Disappointment 140
Mama Meets President Obama 142
“Mama, I’m Depressed” 147
Mama, Where Are You? 149
The Bedroom Door Is Closed 151
After  Papa Went to See His Mama 152
No More Chores 154
An Era of Greenhorns 155
Mama Floats Amidst Farm Images 156
Acknowledgements 158